Joyfully Needy, Beautifully Expectant

I have spent most of my life with a misunderstanding of what it means to become more like Jesus. Not that I was taught wrong, per se, but I understood it incorrectly

We are increasingly becoming more sanctified, more like Jesus. And we are not to use our grace and forgiveness as a license to sin.

But I spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to act like Jesus. But more in a “fake it until you make it” sort of way. Hoping to go through the motions until it feels natural. 

But that rarely works. Behavior modification is not the fruit of the Gospel. It just adds to fear and shame and the feeling of being an imposter. It doesn’t aid in the becoming. It just aids in the hiding. 

John 15 talks about abiding. That we must remain in Him. I felt comfortable being able to explain the concept, but I never felt comfortable living it. How do I know if I am abiding? Am I praying enough? Reading the Bible enough?  Serving people enough?

That is not, in fact, abiding. It is more like staying in the vicinity of God. You can do all those things while abiding. You can also do all those things while not abiding. By focusing so much of our energy in not winning, we train ourselves to avoid or ignore our sin as a coping mechanism. Which leads to hiding or self righteousness. Basically being in denial about our sins. 

I have realized that instead of trying to imitate Jesus and to be righteous, that I should try to get to know Jesus and acknowledge my sin. Mimicking and knowing are not at all the same. When I gaze upon Jesus and acknowledge my sin, I see much more true transformation.

Abiding looks less like asking to become patient, wise, etc. but in asking continually for Christ’s patience, wisdom, etc. 

I’m asking to become patient what my heart really was saying was “please transform me into this thing so I will be God like. So that I will be self sufficient and have all I need so I won’t have to keep coming back for more.” I felt shame when I struggled again. When I had to ask for more of something. My pride didn’t not want to have to keep humbling myself for more of what God offers. 

I believed the lie that we should be able to “get over” certain things and that God was annoyed at us for continuing to come to Him about the same issues:

But abiding is really seeing our sin and lack while equally seeing God’s compassion and sufficiency.

Seeing the depth of my sin and lack ha been the hardest/ most transformative thing in my sanctification.

It is the realization that growing in righteousness will rarely mean conquering a particular sin for ever. The victory comes in experiencing Christ’s compassion when we fail. In experiencing His strength in the very moment we are tempted to give in. It is in experiencing the abundance of His resources He makes available to borrow from Him in any situation. Like our own 5 bread and 2 fish, that becomes endless sustenance in the Lords hand.

Abiding in Christ is not effortlessly receiving all that we need and never going to Him again.

Abiding is waking up every morning staring down a day full of need, desperate and confident that He will show up. It is not apologizing for asking for patience and gentleness one more time.

It is seeing our failure and immediately turning to him for forgiveness, repentance, and reconciliation. It is seeing our victory and immediately turning to Him in thanksgiving.

Abiding is remaining near to Jesus. To be joyfully needy and beautifully expectant.