Another Year
This year I turn 33 to say that I was not super excited about it was an understatement. Birthdays normally don’t phase me. But when they do, they aren’t the normal numbers. 30 was fine. 27 was hard.
And 33, I don’t know what it was. But I wasn’t thrilled.
This will mostly likely be a marked year for everyone. Whatever age you turn in 2021, you will most definitely walk into it a different person than your last birthday. It was the year of pandemic, political/social unrest, isolation, and whatever personal struggles you faced.
It is no different for me. I am walking into 33 changed. And probably like many, in some ways 32 year old me took a little wrecking.
Many have said that you come into your own in your thirties. You care less about what people think and become more established in your personality.
That one took me awhile. I figured it wouldn’t happen right away, but by 32 I wondered if I was just a really late bloomer.
I was reflecting a few weeks ago and felt like maybe I had finally seen some of that confidence emerge. I had seemingly become more comfortable in my own skin, and this confidence did spill over into some of the ways I carried myself and made decisions.
Well, the last couple weeks of 32 called my bluff, and I saw how far I can sometimes fall from that ever elusive self confidence.
But one thing I do know is that I have found a different kind of confidence.
I am walking into this year with a deeper confidence in the Lord. This year the Lord has invited me to look up and look back. I have seen the way He is faithful even in the darkest moments. I have seen the way that He has been faithful in the past. He is trustworthy and present. He is in our midst. His word is true even if it’s difficult to swallow. His church is vibrant albeit imperfect.
I am grateful that He doesn’t just throw us in the deep end. But he builds a foundation. He builds trust. He shows himself faithful. He shows up. And when it all feels really bad, We can look up and look back knowing He will continue to be all He has been.
Growing up isn’t always a steady upward trend of “self improvement”. It is normally hills and valleys that teach us endurance along the way. It is seeing the Lord faithful through it all.
