Beauty is a tricky thing. It does go beyond definition. This world is beautiful. Even in the mess and chaos. Our lives are beautiful in the pleasant and in the confusion. We try so deeply to order and plan. To craft a beautiful and purposeful life. But do we even really know what that means?
Driving today to work, I was struck by the complicated beauty of life. I wanted desperately to not go to work, to stay home with my husband and support him in an experience out of the norm. But at the same time, I was feeling so grateful for the job that I have, and blessed by the opportunity.
That same day my thoughts were on a friend who experienced a major loss, something I could never in a million years fathom walking away from. Yet another friend’s father was being prepped for major, prognosis altering surgery. All the while celebrating the birth of a long awaited, yet unexpected baby boy of yet another friend.
Finality, uncertainty, and new beginnings all in one day. All in one moment.
Heaviness and Joy. Adventure and sorrow. All rolling around in my heart at once.
That should make you unstable, tossed one way or the other, at the will of your emotions.
But in that moment I felt like I was standing on solid ground for once. There was clarity and freedom. Security in the unknown.
This was life. It was beautiful and sad. Unplanned and unexpected. Life does not wait until you’re ready. It does not follow your carefully plotted time table.
Yet we all make it to the end some how or another. Whether earlier or later.
One of my most persistent questions to my husband over the years is “Where do you see us in this many years? What is your plan for the future?” It has also been one of my most frustrating answers. Because the reality is there is no way to know. There is no way to plan that.
You get pregnant. Or you get another job offer. Or you get sick. Your car breaks down. You get offered a great vacation. Your adoption timeline does whatever it wants. We don’t plan these things. Yet surprisingly they happen to everyone I know.
There are 2 types of people in this world. (Ok, not really… but humor me.) Some are the people that never think of the unplanned happening, and when it does it completely throws them for a loop. And then others who are very aware of the unplanned. So aware that we wait for it, expect it, dread it, and prepare for it. Always prepared for the worst case scenario. I am one of those people. That person that deals with constant restlessness and worry, because of “what could happen.”
So naturally I was shocked on my drive to work while contemplating all the life scenarios and emotions. I was not a nervous basket case for once. I felt calm. I felt happy.
As I drove down the road, rain was spitting and the wind was blowing. And the trees surrounding me were in full bloom. Colorful and full of life. It perfectly reflected the reality of this life we live.
An unplanned loss. A diagnosis. A job loss. All those things could be me one day.
But at the same time, I could experience an unexpected blessing, an opportunity of a lifetime. The birth of a healthy child. A growing family.
There is joy and sorrow. Blessing and trial. We get it all. Without exception. We get the bad sometimes. And we undoubtedly get the good with it.
Without the trial, we would not appreciate the joy. Without the struggle, we would never learn to lean on God’s strength.
The calm came from knowing deep in my soul that whatever life threw at me would be loving filtered through the all powerful, deeply compassionate hands of God. That it would not be all roses and rainbows, but in the end I will see the “goodness of God in the land of the living.”
Because Jesus experienced great sorrow, to give us great joy. Sorrow and joy. Pain and peace. They go together. They have from the beginning.
But for those who walk with Jesus, our promise is Heaven and eternity is our reward. No matter what life throws at us, Jesus is walking right beside us. He holds us up, He guides us through. He makes a way where there is none. In the depth of despair there is reminders of joy. In the face of death, there is the beauty of new life. On our hardest days, the sun still shine and the flowers still bloom.
God reminds us daily “in this world there will be trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.”
On my drive to work that morning, the rain and wind could not overcome the beautiful spring blooms on the trees. All of life’s deepest suffering cannot hide the promises of God.
Even when the night is long, Morning always comes.