Humility and the Toilet Seat
Sometimes there are interesting seasons. Moments of ridiculous in the midst of chaos. A few months ago we had one of the moments. For the first time in 2 years of marriage and 4 years of dating, we had the battle of the toilet seat.
I know it seems cliche. The running joke that all couples supposedly have. But it was new to me. It seems silly, but this little habit really showed me a lot about myself. I have come to find out that there is something more humbling than falling in the toilet in the middle of the night.
There had been a little voice whispering to me about this for a few weeks, but one day I heard it loud and clear.
The first time it happened I was surprised. I giggled a little because we finally jokingly had the stereotypical toilet seat battle. It happened a few more times (Not ALL the time) and I would make sure to remind him that he had once again made the mistake. I told myself it was ok to gently remind him of my preference.
Sometimes there is a fine line between “gentle”, and condescending. For me the line can actually be invisible.
One morning, I walked into the kitchen substituted a pleasant “Good morning” with a “You did it again! (and a laugh to soften my accusation)”. And although he took it like a champ, his shoulders dropped a little bit.
Then it hit me. He obviously doesn’t love me. Because he keeps leaving the seat up. It’s not like he was doing anything else. (Please read the sarcasm intended)
The only other things he had done that morning were:
Make the bed
Let out the dogs
Sweep the kitchen
Wash the baby bottles
Call our insurance company
Fill up my water bottle
Wipe down the counters
Change the baby’s diaper
And make me coffee…
(No lie, that is a typical morning for my husband… He is a keeper)
A small voice whispered in my ear. Maybe the reason why the toilet seat didn’t get put down sometimes, was that he was rushing to come help with the housework, or play with his son, or take care of the dogs, or a million other things to make my life easier. Maybe it slipped his mind because he was focused on more important things. Maybe he cared more about jumping head first into this thing called fatherhood than taking 2 seconds to do something that really did not matter in the slightest.
Not only did my life take a complete 180 at the arrival of our son, but so did his. He was doing everything he could to allow me to solely focus on feeding our child. All the while, working 2 jobs at the time, taking on a lot of our household jobs, and still rocking being a dad.
But instead of taking a moment to communicate gratitude and appreciation all I did was remind him of the one way I felt he wasn’t living up to my expectations. Not the best way to communicate love, now is it?
So maybe in your house, it’s not the toilet seat. Maybe your husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. Maybe your sister listens to the radio too loud. Maybe your roommate always leaves the dishes in the sink.
Before you get upset, or passive aggressive, stop and think. Do you really believe they intentionally do these things to drive you crazy? Are any of these things actually worth the deal we make it?
The toilet seat is not an irreconcilable difference. Dirty dishes are not necessarily the highest disrespect.
Maybe the offender is going through something. Maybe they are busy or stressed out or anxious. Maybe they have stuff going on in their own lives. Maybe it’s not about you. Or maybe they are enjoying life, enjoying you, and not getting hung up on the small things.
My husband is a gift and a blessing. He is a hard working man. So instead of snide little comments, I can choose something else:
To say thank you for something that they have done for you recently.
To compliment them for a strength that they have.
To give them a hug, just because…
To do something for them for a change.
To ignore it and enjoy the life you are living.
I cherish this life, with all the ups and downs, laughs and quirks. Life is too great to care about a stupid toilet seat. Or whatever it is in your home.
Now the season passed, we got our feet back under us, and life got back to normal. Things tend to ebb and flow. But I hope and pray that in the next crazy season, my eyes are more apt to see the sacrifice, and not the perceived failures.
