As my due date approaches, there are so many things running through my head. So much unknown. So many exciting new things coming. So many things to prepare for.
But as I greatly anticipate this upcoming season, I can’t help but want to hold onto the season I am in now. I know in a few minutes, I won’t be able to remember life before my precious little baby. That we will ease into a family of 3 with the grace of anyone else (some stumbling and spit up, mixed with starry eyed wonder).
But there are moments now, where I just can’t picture adding another being into our family. There is a space that I don’t even see waiting for this little guy.
So as much as I am so excited for his arrival, I can’t help but mourn the moments that I won’t get again. Never again will it just be me and my husband. Even in the occasional date nights and excursions “just the two of us” will never exist again. Because despite the physical separation, there will always be that precious little one to parent and pray for.
There will no longer be slow mornings with no agenda. There will be a little one to feed and play with. My favorite mornings as a child were the Saturdays we jumped into my parents bed and played for hours, and I can’t wait for that with my own little boy. But I love quiet moments at the table with my husband and our coffee. Sharing conversation and moments that are just ours.
I am looking forward to the partnership of raising and parenting a little soul that is just ours. I am sure in a way that will bond us more than I could ever imagine. But I love my husband. I love our quality time, our silly conversations. I love watching shows together, and listening to my husbands favorite music in the car. I can’t imagine adding cartoons and kids songs to the mix.
So an adjustment is coming. And I don’t think I will be ready until there is not choice. Because how are you supposed to prepare for something that you have no concept of. Even if I had a child before, I would have no concept of having 2! Or if I had 2, I would have no idea what it looked like to have 3. Or a girl. Or a child with special needs. Or a sports lover. Who knows?! You just have to jump in and create a new normal.
And cherish one season while it lasts. Knowing the next will have its own sweetness.
So here I sit. Celebrating what is to come. And allowing myself to grieve and cherish what is soon over.
Because all good things must end so that there can be new good things.