Mom… I have only been called that for 3 months. It was fitting that I also turned 30 in that time as well. That is nearly 30 years pre motherhood. These 3 months have taught me so much. I see the world through different eyes. Now there are so many things I wish I could tell me 20 year old, pre mom self. So much that I can see now that my life is not just my own, but for my child. Here are some things I have learned in these last 3 months for the good and bad. And honestly I wish I could have learned it earlier.
- No matter how independent I think I am, I was once just a baby. Someone had to feed me and change my diapers. How is that for humbling? (Thanks mom!)
- Things will not go how you plan them too. Did I expect to spend 2 weeks in the hospital? No! Was there anything I could do to change or avoid it? No. Life sometimes just happens to you, and you adjust. And it is ok.
- People pleasing is more damaging than I thought. I am a people pleaser to the core. But I can’t be everything to everyone. Now I have to be a lot of things to one little guy. There are times when I have to let everyone else put their big people pants on and deal with it themselves.
- I have limits. And it is ok to let other people help me. People really do want to help.
- Rest is more than sleep. And even if it was, sleep more. Things that used to be doable are no incredibly taxing. After an exceptionally busy few days, my baby needs quiet and rest. And admittedly so do I. That is ok. Over stimulation is not just a thing for babies. It’s a reality for adults too.
- Eat something for goodness sakes. While I have a lot of education about nutrition, I have mentioned my lifelong struggle with disordered eating. While I had told myself I was in recovery, I have learned to so much caring for a child. The things that are important to keep him healthy and growing are also probably important to keep me healthy and active. I would never let my baby go hungry. Why do I let myself?
- You should respect your body. But that doesn’t mean make it as skinny as possible. I didn’t respect my body for a long time. And I will always wonder if that caused the complications in my pregnancy. Your body is forever changed after having a baby, and it’s awesome. I wish I had spent less time worrying about how skinny I could be, and more time pursuing health (ie. adequate muscle mass and healthy fat stores).
Your twenties is a season of finding and establishing yourself. I was so hard on myself. Trying to be perfect and do everything and prove my worth. I wish I had been kinder to myself.
I am not my weight, or my self discipline. I am not my career or my bank account. I am not as independent as I wanted to be. Why try to be everything to everyone?
My baby has no idea how much I weigh. He doesn’t know what my degree was or what my salary was. He doesn’t worry about what anyone thinks (even if he pooped all over someone else’s shirt).
But he loves me. And he relies on me to take care of his needs. He doesn’t know how incapable and clueless I feel. He just knows that I am his mom.
I spent so much time and energy worrying about things that just don’t seem to matter now. Not in this season. And if it really isn’t that important now, is it that important at all?