Masking Smiles and Cleansing Tears
We are a generation of happy people, aren’t we? It surely appears that way. We are a generation of people that share our happy highlights and smiling faces as often as we can. But we are also living in an age of extreme mental sickness, depression, and suicide. How is that possible?! We are so happy, right?
In so many ways, we live in a time where people are ridiculously contained. I would even say confined...trapped.
At least that is how I felt.
I always prided myself on being… even. Not to high, not too low. Do not get too excited. Or be too emotional. Do not be too passionate because people will get turned off. Do not be too sad because you don’t want to be a burden.
Be steady. Be strong. Whatever it is you feel, deal with it. Do not let it over take you.
I thought that was what I should do. And I am pretty good at it. But the thing is I started to realize that maybe it wasn’t helpful. Instead of handling my emotions, I realized I was just burying them. Not dealing with them but denying them. In moments where I was overwhelmed with sadness or anxiety, I learned to set it aside and power through. To function. I fought the “emotional female” stereotype hard.
But then I started to notice that squelching what I saw was my negative emotions, also stifled my positive emotions. Without a low, there couldn’t be a high. In moments that should have been joyful, I had trouble connecting. They seemed to just slip past me.
I noticed it when I got engaged and did not cry tears of joy. I noticed it when my baby was born and I felt slightly removed from the beautiful little bundle laying in my arms.
But I still thought I was healthy. While sometimes I wished that I felt free to embrace the joy of life, I really did think that I was doing well. Admittedly I felt superior to those people who would be overcome by emotion. Stronger.
And then one day as I was reading the Bible I felt my eyes open to phrases I had never seen before. Things that made me uncomfortable. That contradicted the way I had seen emotions for… well, ever.
When I decided to take on Lamentations my world was rocked. It spoke of tears and grief as if they were a good thing. Literally the shedding of tears moved God to action. The tears were not just of sadness and grief. They were of repentance. Outrage over injustice. They were calls to action. And they were valued by God. Not shushed and quieted.
Lamentations 3:49-50 says “ My eyes will flow without ceasing, without respite, until the Lord from heaven looks down and sees.”
The Bible references our tears often. But when was the last time I shed any, in sadness or joy. I will admit that for as often as they are referenced in the Bible, they have not been experienced nearly enough.
The Psalms talk about expressions of joy. Singing, dancing, clapping, raised hands. It speaks of laughing!
None of these responses are contained. To contain joy is to kill it. The very essence of it needs to be expressed. It needs to be loosed. The purpose of joy is to bring glory to God. How can it do that if it is contained within? How can others see it and be moved by it if it is carefully managed?
Our emotions leave us vulnerable. It is risky to allow ourselves to truly feel things. Because with the good comes the difficult.
But as we deny and suppress our emotions, our hearts get progressively more hardened. Over time it becomes easier and easier to suppress the emotions because we start to not experience them at all. Which admittedly makes life easier in some ways.
But to truly experience Christ, our hearts must be soft. To be moved by God, we have to be able to engage in the emotion of pleasure. Which means we might simultaneously experience grief over our sins. But at least we are feeling something.
Jesus did not suppress his emotions. He experienced anger (albeit the righteous kind), hurt, sadness, and dread. Even on the eve of the cross He cried out to the Lord and sweat literal blood. He experienced it and did not run from it. He brought it to the Lord, His Father. And then what did he do? He was obedient anyway. HE followed through so that we can be saved. He didn't bow to His emotions, but He was comfortable enough in his relationship with his Father to address them.
The Church in America is suffering from the idea of having it all together. I see in fellow Christians the same thing I recognized in myself. An obsession with the upbeat and put together. The desire for perfections. This either leads to lack of commitment to a local church that doesn’t check all their boxes. And also to a lack of emotional engagement in our participation in community and worship. I don’t mean that we need to be more aware of our annoyances, or be more sensitive to offenses. I think we handle those things just fine... But maybe more willing to be joyful. More willing to address hurts and grief in a healthy way. More willing to seek repentance. More willing to celebrate.
I do not believe it is healthy to be controlled by emotions. Our feelings are rooted in our humanity and can lead us astray quickly if we hold them as Truth. But I do believe a healthy awareness and engagement of our emotions when they are directed and informed by scripture is vital to our experience of worship and salvation.
Personally, I want to dig in and risk unlocking those emotions I have been scared of in the past. I want to risk joy and sorrow. Grief and praise. Hurt and healing. Repentance and overwhelming acceptance.
And I pray that the universal Church will be awaken to these things as well. We need to be comfortable with the grief over hurt and trauma, so that reconciliation can be seen. We need encourage sorrow over our own sin so that the freedom of forgiveness can also be rejoiced in. We need to learn what righteous anger looks like over the injustices in the world, such as racism, war, terrorism, and so much more to see change.
When our emotions are recognized and laid at the cross, they are a beautiful gift. A way for us to engage with our Father.
