Tightrope of Rightness

I am a recovering perfectionist.  I always like rules and expectations.  Basically I do not like surprises and love control.

So i found myself praying the other day (this instance was in regards to parenting.)  I was walking, pushing the stroller, and I said “Jesus, help me to parent him right.”

Immediately, I knew that this was incorrect, and not just grammatically incorrect.  This was the wrong thing to pray for, and I knew it instantly.

But I was grateful for the correction because it revealed a struggle that had been seeping into every area of my life for… well, probably my whole life.

In scripture it talks about how the Holy Spirit intervenes for you with words that you don’t even know how to pray.  In that moment, I felt the Spirit’s correction. It was as if He picked the word “right” out of the air and replaced it with the word “well”, and then sent it on its way.  (This is just imagery, I know that is not actually how it works). So I began to pray to live life well.. Not right. Not correct.

What’s the difference??

To me correct is narrow.  It makes me feel anxious. It feels like a bullseye I am trying to hit.  There is no grace. To be right, feels very self righteous, legalistic. It means there is one way to do it, and anything less is a failure.  

What does it mean to live well?  It feels broader. Well gives me room to breathe.  There is room for failure or deviation. There is grace.

To live right means to follow all the rules very precisely.  It means a step by step game plan to achieve a certain predetermined result.  

Well is spacious.  It leaves room for mistake and correction.  It leaves room for conviction and repentance.  It leaves room for humility.

To live rightly, makes me feel like I am walking a tightrope.  Terrified of a misstep.

To live well makes me feel like I am walking next to my Father in the fresh air, asking His guidance, with room to go off course and be corrected without complete failure.  

I firmly believe that God calls us to live well.  He gives us guidelines to live by in His word, but they are not confining.  They are freeing. The focus should not so much be being right, or avoiding being wrong. But maybe living a life that is submitted to His Word and reflects His character. His word is always relevant and always applicable. Which provides a framework to respond to what life throws at you in a Biblical way. Even if not necessarily a step by step guideline.

He doesn’t ask us to walk perfectly, leaving no room for error.  He asks us to follow Him, repenting when we turn to the right or left, inviting us to keep on going.  

He doesn’t even ask us to all go the same way.  He just asks us to pursue obedience in whatever path He guides us on.  

So I want to live well.  To pursue Holiness. To repent often.  To ask for help when I have no clue. To love imperfectly.  To have faith, even in failure. To allow for weakness, doubt, tears, and mistakes.  All of which can point me back to the Goodness of God.

To pursue correctness (perfection) can greatly limit our experience of Christ.

So I want to live well, not fearing anything less than perfect.  But trusting that God in His faithfulness will be using my imperfection to make Himself shine greatly.  And will be using my weakness to make me more like Him.