Loss and Memories
Walking out of the gym the other day I stopped as I saw a pot of flowers by the entrance. There in front was a pansy. I have always loved pansies, and I was a bit surprised as it did not seem much like a fall flower. But it was beautiful.
My great grandmother’s name was Pansy. She spent the last few years of her life in my grandparent’s home while my grandma took care of her. My grandma always had the flower planted in her yard. Her flowers and her garden were her pride and joy.
Today our family is selling my grandparents home. The next time I drive by there will be a new car in the driveway. Although my grandparents' car hasn’t been driven in the past few years since grandpa died. Grandma never got her license.
My grandparents loved well from that home. They were simple people. Enjoying the presence of everyone in the same space was what delighted them most. No matter how long you stayed for a visit, my grandpa would walk you to the door and say “Come by when you can stay longer.” My grandma would always say “Come back again soon.” They loved well and their home was where they did it best.
There are so many losses that come with the loss of a loved one. Today we lose their house. The only place we ever celebrated holidays. The place we played before and after school. The place we ate Sunday afternoon dinners. My childhood, my dad’s childhood. And we have to say goodbye.
Loss has seemed to define this year. So many losses.
The thing about loss is that experiencing one does not really make the next one easier to manage. They all are different and significant.
And in many ways all are beautiful. They mark things of value. If something, or someone, was not valuable to you, the absence would not be felt so deeply. There is beauty in the loss, because something was ours to lose in the first place.
At times, it is difficult to give yourself over to grief. Grief is something to rush or to hide. We apologize for it and get back to work. Our grief feels like it should end when our bereavement leave does.
But it is beautiful to pay attention to the grief. To let it linger for a minute. The sweep of it comes with a memory or a trinket or an occasion. Sometimes it takes you by surprise. The unexpected of it can feel like a cruel joke, but it is really a kindness. Remembering is healing. Tears can bring joy if they are allowed to flow freely.
After the seemingly unending loss of last year, or few years really, I was comforted by these lyrics the other days from the hymn “Tis so sweet to Trust in Jesus”
“I'm so glad, I learned to trust Thee
Precious Jesus Savior Friend
And I know, that Thou art with me
Will be with me to the end”
God is not absent in the loss. He is nearer than ever before. From the beginning He warned that we will have loss, sickness, pain, and hardship. But He also promised to be with us through it all.
And each loss has brought me more assurance that He is near. He has never left me or forsook me. He weeps with those who mourn. He has compassion on those who are hurting.
When we look to Him and say “This is hard.” He doesn’t not look back and say “You'll be fine”. He never offers the “It will be ok.” He is never dismissive or trite.
When we through our tears say “This is hard”, He looks back at us with love in His eyes and says “I know.”
He brings comfort and peace. He does work everything out for our good. In His strength we will be fine.
But what He offers us in the face of loss is His presence. He feels up the empty space and allows us to sit with Him.
So as I walk past those pansies while they last, I will remember. I will remember that loss is hard, and God is good. That He is not flustered with our grief, but he will sustain us through it with hope and joy.
When I drive past my grandmother’s house, I will let a tear fall. And I will also smile. Because its not ours anymore, but it once was. And the memories always will be.
