When Words are lacking

Words

I miss words. I feel like I have none lately. 

Though I plumb deep for them. 

Hoping that by finding words, I will find clarity, purpose, relief

In the beginning words gushed out like a hemoraging wound

But in time they slowed

Either in exhaustion or in paralysis

If I could only find words

I could line them up in sentences 

And parade them into the world one by one

I could read them to myself

Like a letter explaining how I feel

Or pass it along to the world

So they can know my story

But they can look at the page as I tell it, not in my eyes

I always reach for words like a security blanket

To add substance and certainty to what often feels fragile

But maybe I don’t have them

Not because I lost them but because I wasn’t given them

My tendency is to look to what I have for what I need

But what is broken cannot fix itself

What is grieving cannot muster it up its own hope

A wanderer cannot supply clarity 

When I lack, it is not deprivation

But to draw my eyes to something other

I cannot look within to find what brings completion

I must look to the one who was with me the entire time. 

The one who feeds the streams with spring rain

And who fills our hearts with a healing melody

What I have no words, I have all that I need

The Word lies in me, speaking life where there is death

And writing my redemption story