Chaos

Chaos, that is how I would describe that particular week. And quite a few other weeks actually. Like no matter how strategically I was, all my well laid plans go out the window with “unforeseen” circumstances.

It feels like there are not enough hours in the day. Like I am always behind, always failing, and just can’t get ahead.

My. brain tells me there has to be some way to make it all work. That I am just missing that puzzle piece. That if I get a better routine it will solve all my problems or if I prioritize my time everything will magically get done.

There seems to be some magic formula that I just can’t crack. Even more frustrating, when that the routine I laid out so well is just failing me (or I’m failing it).

Nothing feels right when things seem chaotic.

But did you catch that last sentence.

Sometime chaos is more about our feelings, and how things seem from our perspective.

Chaos can be created by our choices.

But sometimes life just throws curveballs.

Maybe what feels like chaos, is God being sovereign in a way that we did not give permission for.

Maybe what seems like chaos is the Spirit prying certain idols out of my hands. Revealing areas of independence and control that I didn’t realize we had. Or had told myself was healthy and responsible.

God is a God of order. He is peace and purpose and patience.

He calls us to disciplines and self control for our good.

But in our hearts that are still tainted by the world, we can take what is holy and twist it.

We can tell ourselves we trust God, but panic when life doesn’t go our way.

We can demand order from ourselves and from the Lord.

We might unwittingly be relying on our own abilities to accomplish what we think life should be instead of surrendering to the sovereignty of God in what feels foreign.

So while God is a God of order and peace, He might use what we perceive as chaos to remind us that we cannnot manufacture our own outcomes in life. That we are not the ultimate authority in what happens to us. And while we think we know what is best… we actually do not.

We need to walk in the spiritual disciplines laid out for us, and walk in self-control that the Spirit produces in us. Then walk out the things that God lays before us in His strength. The interruptions to our best laid plans are where we might see Him most rightly. As He is. The Creator, sustainer, orchestrator, redeemer.

The One who cares more about our hearts than our plans. The One who kindly thwarts our own sometimes because His plans are better.