Valentine’s Day is extra special in our house. My husband was also born on February 14th. Double celebrations of love! He is easy to celebrate, and He also taught me a lot about celebrating over our 12 years together, so it is fitting.
In the past year or so, Joshi and I have been able to walk through premarital counseling with a few really dear couples. The privilege is not lost on me. In many ways, with less than a decade of actual marriage under our belts, we feel very unqualified. But by God’s grace, it is an honor to pass along a few nuggets of wisdom and a whole lot of scripture to those who are a few steps behind us.
A few weeks ago, we were talking through the reality of leadership and submission. Not a popular topic, but a very valuable one.
As the years go on, I am more grateful for the roles that God implemented in scripture of leadership and submission. But I also think that we are not always looking at it through the right lens. We talk about roles, but we imply duties. Leadership is not balances the budget and decides which school your kids will go to. The role of the helper is not who makes lunches and folds the laundry.
Yes husbands will need to lead by making difficult decisions, and often wives can help by taking care of the home and the little details through out the day. Even Titus talks about the younger woman caring for her home. Caring for your home and the people in it is much more than the duties it takes to keep it running. Housework, laundry, and meal prep fall more under stewardship than submissive help.
A man is called to spiritual leadership, and a woman is called to spiritual help.
This year as I pray over my husband on his birthday, I am overcome with gratitude for his spiritual leadership. He initiates prayer in our home often. He handles discipline with grace. He seeks wisdom often in all our decisions. And he humbly mops the floor and cleans the bathroom because he is better at it than I am.
As a wife, my understanding of being a spiritual helper is changing. We get a front row seat to watch our husbands lead spiritually. We also often get a deeper insight into what they need by proximity. We might even be more aware of some of their needs than they are. That might be packing up the leftovers so his day will be less crazy, or straightening up the house before he gets home so he walk into a calm environment.
But more importantly it is praying for him, encouraging him, and being a safe place for him in the midst of life. We can’t solve all his problems. But we can ask the Lord to be near Him. We can pray more specifically when we know they might be under extra stress or walking into more temptation. We can speak life giving words to them. Or we can ask them more pointed questions of needed to draw out their feelings.
I wish I had realized this earlier. I am asking the Lord to help me to take this to heart.
Our husbands do not necessarily need us to take care of everything little thing that comes up for them. They might rather do their own laundry or they might genuinely enjoy helping clean the kitchen.
But they need our prayers. They need to know we are on their team. They need to know that we trust them in their leadership.
Most of all they need to know that we trust the Lord, and are continually lifting them up to Him.
So on this Valentine’s Day, I am grateful for the continuing sanctification of Jesus. I am so grateful that tho we fail, that He succeeds. And that He gives good gift that we don’t deserve.. Like marriage and birthdays.