Hesitant Walker

Now I would like to preface this by saying  that I have no anticipation of becoming a mommy blogger.  But to be fair, I do now have a kid. So… sometimes my stories will be about my kid.  But I really think sometimes those stories will relate to anyone, in any season of life.  

Micah was a late walker.  Hesitant is what the Doctor called him.  The thing with being a new parent is that you never know what is “normal”.  Always worried that you are doing something to completely ruin your child forever.  It doesn’t help when you fairly chill child turns Very whiny for months at a time.  A late walker and a cranky pants.  But phases pass, and one day I realized that not only did we have a walker, but he had become exceptionally more happy.  These may not be related, and I know that there are lots of developmental things going on at that stage. But I do have a theory, mostly because my adult life has reflected the same thing at times. 

We were pretty confident that Micah was ready to walk, he just wasn’t confident of it himself.  He might not have been really great at it right away, but I think he could have started long before he did.  He was cranky because he had a lot of restless, pent up energy that he wasn’t burning. Making him frustrated and angsty.  Did you know that sometimes depression and anxiety in adults can be greatly lessened by exerting physical activity? It is really important to move our bodies regularly.  That’s true of our physical health in adults, as well as our emotional health. It’s true in the mood of my baby. And I would say that it might be true of our spiritual health as well.  

We live in a generation of self reflection.  Contemplation. A generation that lives with our lives on display.  Which may lead to a fear of stepping out into something we feel we may not succeed at.  

So I see lots of instagrams of solitary moments with an open Bibles and a perfectly frothed lattes.  And then also have conversations with people who feel spiritually frustrated, dry, or isolated. Who feel hurt by people or the church or maybe distant from God.  Could I hypothicize that maybe we feel spiritually angsty because we have some steps that we are supposed to be taking after we drink that mug of coffee and close the Bible? Some spiritual energy we are meant to be exerting?  That we are filling up to pour out. So that when we come back for more we are thirsty for it. The Word, not the coffee. Maybe we need to be experiencing the presence of God in the stepping out as well as the sitting down.  

Our faith is meant to be lived out.  And yet, we eagerly believe the lie that we need to be at a certain level of “ready” before we step out.  We think we need to know more and sin less before we can engage in anything outside of our own private relationship with Christ.  

No, we might not be ready for everything.  You might not be able to read a passage one time and teach an in depth masters level collegiate course on it.  But you can engage in a discussion about it with fellow believers. You may not have a whole lot of scriptures memorized, but you can pray for (or with) a co-worker.  

God intends for us to grow mature in the power of the Holy Spirit, so whenever we are uncomfortable, maybe it’s because we should try to walk instead of crawl.  

I hear so many people say that they do not feel close enough to the Lord to serve, volunteer, or lead.  That they feel like a hypocrite. I am not saying that you have to do anything at all to earn your relationship with the Lord, or get Him to get closer to you.  But sometimes having the confidence and dependence enough to step out in faith with him into something new, and even scary, will greatly affect your relationship with Him in a positive way.  Because you will see Him as greater than you did before.   

Before my son walked, we wanted to be held and carried by me (constantly).  Even if I was only a few steps away from him, he would cry as if I had deserted Him forever.  Sometimes, I endured some of those tears because as much as I wanted to hold him, I wanted him to take actual steps closer to me.  I did not leave him. I was right there. But I was removing my immediate presence from him to give him the opportunity to grow. To give him the confidence that he could take steps that were scary to him, and I would be right there to catch him if he fell.

Are there steps that God is giving you the opportunity to take?  Are you feeling restless? Maybe it is something as simple as reaching out to start a friendship with someone new.  Or serving at church. Or to step into a leadership position in some way.  

Maybe it’s initiating a conversation in the workplace, starting a biblestudy, inviting someone to church.  Maybe it’s apologizing, going to counseling, or forgiving someone.  

Let’s ask God what our next steps are.  Let’s ask God how we can trust Him in a new way.  Not out of obligation, but out of obedience and an overflow of our relationship with him.  Not as a way to manipulate Him, but to experience Him differently. He will show up. He will be with you every step of the way.