Before and Now

In this season of transition, there is a great kindness.  Many moments of the day I am in over my head.  Many moments of the day I wonder where the time went.  Days pass by in relative monotony. Yet so many moments where I lack so much.  Patience, energy, strength, kindness, compassion, discipline… to name a few. It also feels as if I lack the time to get even the most mundane tasks done, not to mention sit and spend with the one who supplies all other needs.

Laying in bed at night worrying about all the things I feel like I failed at during the day.  Not to mention all the things that feel outside of my control.  How do I keep my children safe?  How do I impart truth to them when the world is telling them so many untruths. How do I help them to walk with the Lord when the world undermines so much of what the Lord calls us to?

In those moments I worried that the world would win.  

“Fear not for I have overcome the world.”

Words felt whispered to me out of the darkness. Promises from scripture that I had not read recently. To be honest I have not been able to read much of anything recently. And yet there they were. 

Where did they come from?  From the Spirit. From words hidden in my heart years earlier. Those early years felt like a holding period before my life began. Before marriage or kids or careers. I spent much of those years waiting and wishing from them to be done.

But those were the necessary years. When I invested and was invested in. When I was able to wake up on my own and study the Word. Where I had extra time to attend studies or be mentored. Those years did not always feel profitable. But now they feel invaluable.

For those that feel like this season won’t end. Who feel like they are waiting for life to really begin. Faithfulness now matters. Investment now matters.

Many days I feel like a failure. Not just to myself or my family, but to the Lord. Many days I wish I had more to give.

But the Lord is gracious and He is kind. He is near even when I can’t sit still with Him.

He was faithful in the early years and continues to be faithful now.

For those who feel like they are in the “before” stage, know that the Lord doesn’t see it that way. The stages that are “before” have value in themselves.  You will always be “before” something.  Before college. Before a career. Before a relationship. Before a family. Before, Before, Before.  

But God is in each of those stages. And He knows what is to come. But He has so much intention for what is now.  

Now is to know Him more. Now is to store up His word in your heart for whatever is to come.  Now is to invest in what is in front of you. Because sooner than you think that stage will be over and you will be on to something else. And you will look back and see the value of where you were, as you look at where you are.