One year of marriage. This time last year I was a bride, in a white dress, with my hair and makeup done, experiencing the most beautiful day of my life. Years of waiting and months of planning could never prepare me for the beauty of walking down the aisle to your love.
But that day goes faster than any day of your life. It is a blink. A moment. And then, just like that, you are a wife.
Your wedding day has come and gone, but marriage remains.
Marriage is full of normal. It is morning breath, and burned dinners, and messy houses. Marriage is laughter, and grocery shopping, and misunderstandings. It is dancing in the kitchen and pouting over the laundry.
The best and scariest part of marriage is now there is someone to see the best and worst of you. Maybe even more clearly than you see it in yourself.
Marriage means that someone is there to speak words of courage into your fearful heart. Someone who tells you that you’re beautiful in oversized sweat pants before you even brush your teeth. Marriage is realizing that you really aren’t very good at cleaning the bathroom after all, or that you are exceptionally bad at apologizing. “I am sorry, I guess, but…” could not ever actually be passed off for an apology.
Marriage is one of the few places I have felt safe to explore exactly who I am, shortcomings and all. Because I am bound to my husband “til death do us part.” He has covenanted to love me until the end.
Thank goodness my vows were not “till your sassy comments drive me crazy” because my that ship has sailed long ago.
The Bible commands husbands to love and care for their wives. Those passages have been spoken to us many times over the past years in preparation for marriage.
But not until a few weeks ago did the full scripture really hit me.
“Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the Church.”
Hold up… You mean that there may have been a bigger meaning there.
That while I desire to be loved by my husband, God was really talking about His love for the Church.
Those words hit me in the gut. Sometimes I would prefer for it to be me and my husband against the world. We are a team ready to take on whatever life throws our way. Watch out everyone.
The gift of marriage is not about us, but it is a beautiful picture of how God sees us ALL. It is an example of the way He cares for us who believe in Him, but in that is a challenge for me to love the Church as well. If Christ loves us, who are we to not also care for our fellow brothers and sisters.
The fact of the matter is that I have been far from loving my fellow brothers and sisters. It is so easy to get caught up in your own little world. Or to allow comparison, criticism, and resentment to crowd in. When people are struggling in places that are different than your struggles, it is difficult to empathize. When they are struggling in the same places it is easy to lose patience.
Just like marriage, those who are part of the church will see the best and worst of each other. All our sin and rough edges will rub up against one another and it may be uncomfortable, or downright painful
But just as I have covenanted to love my husband no matter what life brings, we ought to have that same commitment to one another. If my husband is struggling, I do not shut him out. I do not go criticize him behind his back. I do not grumble and complain about all the ways He is failing me. Ok, maybe sometimes I do…. But I shouldn’t.
In the same way I should not act that way towards my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. In the same way I hope they endure with me and encourage me, I ought to do the same for them.
Just as my husband is not my enemy but my teammate, our fellow believers are not “them”. We are all in the same family. Our enemy is other than us. Our battle is waged with an outside source. We must link arms together, encourage each other, pray for each other, rebuke and correct each other in love for our communal victory, not tear each other down to make ourselves feel high.
Christ brought us into His family. We fail Him everyday. We make mistakes and take our time in following Him. Sometimes our strong opinions are contrary to Him. We constantly give Him less than He deserves. He gave it all for us and we will never be able to measure upto the sacrifice He made. We smart off to Him, rebel against Him, criticize Him, or downright ignore Him at times.
And yet He loves the Church. He sent His son to die in order to rescue us from our fate. He never revokes or pulls away from us when we are less than what He deserves. He looks at us adoringly and calls us Sons and Daughters in the midst of our failures. He leans in and encourages, gently convicts, and gives us infinite second chances.
If even for a minute we understood the immense love and mercy Christ has for us, I believe our unity as the Church would look completely different. Because when you have experienced great mercy and grace, how then can you not give it freely.
So in the first year of marriage, I have learned a lot about how a Husband should love His wife, even more about how God loves me, and I pray to continually grow in a deeper more vibrant love for Christ’s beloved Church.