Kids and Consistency

Over the past weekend, for whatever reason, I ended up taking each kid on an errand solo. This was not an intentional “one in one time” solo date. It was purely for survival, making the most out of screen time for one or naptime for the other.

And both times, it was weird. Eden kept looking for Micah, calling his name.

Today Eden woke up first for once. I sat down with her in the rocker and she pointed to the living room and said “Micah”. She didn’t quite understand when I told her, he was still sleeping.

One of the most difficult things about this pregnancy has been arranging childcare. Yes, it has logistical difficulties, but mostly because I worry. Not about the people who generously give of their time to watch them. Each of them showed great care.

My worry was being away from them. Did they know that I missed them? Did they feel safe and secure when I kept leaving? Did they know that I was eager to come back?

Would all of this  subconscious and come up later in life on the therapy couch?

You know, it might. But I don’t have any other choice right now.

Today I looked up and realized tho, that while I have had to be gone a lot lately, they have almost never been apart.

I never really thought about it before, but other than sleeping, I could probably count on one hand the amount of times they have not been in each other’s presence.

Both gravitate toward to each other. Most often sitting within inches, needing to play with the same toys, dance to the same music, and ride on the same bike.

While I don’t want to miss a thing, I won’t always be there for them. As they grow they will gain more and more independence.

I have prayed so many times that they would be friends. That they would love Jesus and each other. That when they reached those weird years where I don’t know anything anymore, that they would speak truth to each other. Keeping one another in line.

But I never really thought about the now. How that even now they are best friends. That when I am away from them they still have each other.

What I wanted for them was consistency. Not the chaos of different houses and different caretakers and different schedules week to week.

But what they lacked in consistency in those areas, they had in the consistency of each other. And the same beds every night, the same breakfasts in the morning, the same parents to tell them they love them each day.

Maybe it was really me needing consistency. Projecting my own frustration on to them. And not being able to see that while we were not operating in an ideal, they were doing just fine.

Today I am grateful that God sees our deepest worry and answers it before we even realize. He has had the solution to my problem for the last 6months, and I am only now seeing it.