The Work of Silence

Driving used to be my therapy.  There was a time in my life in which I was in the car, more than I was in my home.  While it did get old, I really valued that time.

There are seasons where I get clogged up in my brain.  Sometimes I am tempted to believe that it is directly related to the frequency that I am in the car by myself.  Being at home is not the same, because laundry and dishes are often calling my name.

This weekend I got in the car and drove.  With nothing but open road ahead of me, and a destination a few hours in the future, I felt my soul start to let out a deep breath.  It’s as if my heart realized that there was plenty of time to deal with “all the feelings”. Plenty of time to let out all the pent of frustrations, worries, and fears in the form of tears that will dry by the time I reach my destination.

Emily P. Freeman said it best, “Sitting in silence, we may not be doing anything… it’s true.  But we are undoing so much.”

It’s in those moments where I am undone.  I can feel myself unraveling. The tightness in my shoulders that comes from many tiny moments, not worth crying over… Until they are. Things done to you, things done by you, things that didn’t happen, or could happen, or might happen.  All the things, that sit on the outskirts of your consciousness, because you don’t have time to deal with them, and you are too stubborn to let them go.

We all need space.  Room to grieve all the things that aren’t worth grieving. Time to admit all the little hurts that we own during the course of many 24 hour periods.

In those moments, I was reminded of Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart;

   test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

   and lead me in the way everlasting.

Sometimes I don’t know all the things I allow to weigh me down.  All the things I carry with me throughout the day. The worst ones are the things that I know I shouldn't pick up at all.  The lies I know I should not believe, but I do. The things that I know should not offend me. The things I wish I were, but don’t need to be.  

Whatever it is, find your silence.  Sit on your porch away from all the household distractions.  Walk around the block. Lock yourself in your room. Turn off the TV.  

Welcome the silence and let yourself be undone.  

Be searched and tried. Be soft before the Lord.

We are a victim of the world, and also a victim of ourselves.

Allow yourself to be tested, tried, and examined.  Because only then can we see clearly what needs to be grieved and what needs to be changed.  

Allow yourself to sit in the silence.  To be laid bare and unraveled. To feel it.  To release it. To open your hands and give it over to the only one who can deal with it all.  

God will meet you there.  He will take the burden, and replace it with strength.  He will uncover the offensive ways in your heart and lead you away from them if you let Him.

There is no shame in the silence.  Only healing if you meet with the one who laid himself bare for our sake.  The one who carried the full weight of sin, though none of it His own. He did it, so those who believe in Him will not be crushed by the weight of their own brokenness.  We will be delivered from it if we call on His name.

So meet with Him in the silence.  Lay it all before Him, and let Him lead you in the way everlasting.