But in actuality to exist is to be needy. So I tried to make myself smaller and smaller until I no longer had need, or demanded attention, or really inconvenienced anyone at all. And it seems so noble and humble. But it really is just selfish.

At times failure feels

like it is written in the sky

And whispered in the innermost being

But failure can’t define you

if accomplishing something on your own was never asked

When you see the shine of tears in another’s eyes

Reach out your hands to receive it

Because there is no pain more lonely

Than tears unshed

After every mountain there is a valley

But after every valley there is a mountain

Sometimes you experience the mountains and the valleys in the same breath

Sometimes the valley seems to just keep getting deeper and deeper

It was such a whirlwind, getting out of the car by myself and walking into a hospital I had never been into, with nurses that didn’t really know I was coming, leaving Joshi to wait outside hoping they would let him in because… pandemic.

It’s funny what little details you remember, and what falls away.

I asked to hear God’s voice

And He spoke to me

He sounded like the rustle of pages

He sounded like prophesy, and poetry, and prose

The beauty we were made for is the making of memories and the creating of connections. That can look differently for everyone. And sometimes we can do the same thing but for different reasons. We can make beautiful things to make ourselves feel more beautiful.

Or we can. create to connect with others. Which is the true purpose.

Joy is not found in the midst of easy situations. It is found in the presence of God. We do not find joy when we are looking for joy, we are given joy when we are looking at Jesus.

This year I turn 33 to say that I was not super excited about it was an understatement. Birthdays normally don’t phase me. But when they do, they aren’t the normal numbers. 30 was fine. 27 was hard.

A rumor is something you hear second hand from someone, that may or may not be true. It is not something you experience first hand. It is not necessarily fact. Often it is something that is misconstrued, misinterpreted, or exaggerated in a negative way.